I'm tired of being this way, i'm tired of this stupid paranoia... I'm sorry for acting so crazy. I don't wanna be this way. I'm sorry if i'm pushing people away. Last night was terrible, I won't get into how, but if you really wanna know (which I doubt anyone will) then i'll say... One thing last night made me realise was that, i've never really been "in love" until now. Sure i've loved before, but being in love is definitely different. Honestly it scares me... I've found someone so wonderful, so caring and sweet (not to mention extremely handsome) and I don't know what I did to deserve him. I don't see how or why he loves me. I'm so very glad he does, but I don't understand it. How someone so wonderful could love someone like me I just don't know. When I talk to him it makes me so indescribably happy. I feel like we're the only two people in the world. He makes me feel so special...I'm so scared, i've never been so scared before. I've never gotten what i've wanted before, so i'm scared. Scared it won't happen because I want it so badly....It doesn't help that I miss him so terribly. When i'm missing him it leads to this stupid paranoia. I'm paranoid someone or something will come between us. I don't ever wanna lose him -_- Ugh this being in love stuff is rough. It's the best feeling in the world when i'm talking to him and stuff, but when I don't talk to him it's freakin terrible! He is pretty much the only thing that makes me happy. I just wanna say thanks to my friends for putting up with me talking about this so much. Especially Marlene cause she's gotta deal with it the most. I luv you guys... I don't know if he even reads my journals or not (i'm hoping so, but it would be nice to get a comment for once O_o) but I just want him to know I love him... I've got a few drawings to scan and post YAY!! Well I doubt any of you care, cept MAYBE Mar Mar and Jat, but yeah...I'll post them soon... If my head doesn't explode first!